Do you know the weird feeling that someone gives you praise and it makes you feeling BAD?
You look the other way and mumble: Oh, that was nothing, I just was lucky!
I know this situation first hand. I experienced this <constantly> until I suddenly realized: hej, that’s stupid!!!
I also experienced, that a lot of students get kind of embarassed, when they get praise after a concert. They feel awkward and make a funny face.
This on the other hand makes me question: Oh, did I say something wrong? Er… I just wanted to express honest appreciation…
When I thought about this strange phenomena, I came to the conclusion, that this is because praise can give pressure.
Pressure through expectation.
I did it fine this time – but will I succeed NEXT TIME as well?
This can cause fear. Fear feels nasty, we don’t want to experience it.
So we give the person who praised us not a positive reaction.
This will make them not repeat their praise and we silently hope, they don’t find out, how crappy we truly are.
We were just a lucky piece of sh*t. No expectations please, no comparison please!
Don’t look too closely, because in reality I am a flake!
– Hej, how stupid is that?!
My suggestion is: look for everything you are proud of.
What makes you proud?
Where are you really proud of who you have become?
This is so much healthier.
And when someone comes along and says, well done!
You smile and say: Thank you! :o)
Much love,
Anselma
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