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Should or should not

What is more important: that what IS or that that SHOULD be?
Is or should?

When we educate or teach children we have to find out what supports them most.
Because they are not perfect in what they are doing, they come to us to learn.

Should we give them a realistic picture of where they are and pronounce the IS state?
– Too much realism sometimes seems pretty demotivating…
Or should we put the focus on what lays ahead of them and on where they should be?
Shall we point to the dangling carrot before their eyes that pushes them forward?
– This could be demotivating too because nobody likes to be pushed.


For some reason when I was a kid I decided that what should be is the real deal.
That always looked so appealing and people who reached the should – to my eyes – got all the appreciation and praise. And I wanted that for myself, too!

So I tried to find out what the perfect should was.
I looked closely at the adults’ face expression and listened to the tone of their voice and I tried to get a crystal clear picture of the should. I figured if I just got everything right, then I would be happy because everyone would like me.


I think I don’t have to tell you that this idea, as nice as it sounds, unfortunately never worked.

– First, because – as I found out – even when I had a clear picture of what I should do, this clearly did not mean that I could DO it and
– second I did not end up happy because I started hating that I was NOT THERE YET.

– Third, the should strangely seemed to keep staying in the should position and never really came into my reach and
– fourth, even when I was lucky and I got it right – even a broken clock is right twice a day! – not everybody liked me!? There were still people who did not give me their appreciation. Good grief! How unfair!!

Long story short: the should moved me into a cul de sac where everything else seemed great – except of me.


So today the question not really is: Is or Should. The question is “how can I bring my bassoonies more and more and more – and even more – into what is?”
And I found out, when I am a friendly me I even can be quite open and realistic ;o)
So truth does not have to hurt. But it still sets free :o) Because it pulls us into the moment and this is the only place where we can start liking ourselves and being who we are.


Where is your emphasis: on the is or on the should?
And in your world, what consequences do come from it?

Much love,


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