There is this odd difference.
Someone says something nice and we light up. We like how it feels to be around a appreciating person. We like praise, laughter and a smile.
We feel connected to people who are patient, light hearted and easy going.
When someone treats us well, we like that the other person might see something positive, something worthy in us. We might even think we deserve it to be treated that way. It feels natural to us.
On the other hand we tend to dislike it, when people make us wrong. We don’t like someone who is blaming us. We don’t like how this makes us feel. It feels tense, uncomfortable, stiff. We feel disconnected.
We don’t like it, when we are blamed or told we are doing something wrong! Even if that is the truth, we don’t like to hear it. That’s human nature.
The words “you are wrong” can make learning difficult. Discomfort creeps up in us and the resistance in the room grows. Being told, we are making mistakes cuts the connection between people. It freezes situations, it builds walls.
So why on earth do we do that?
Why are we telling others they are wrong?
Is this comment really something they can benefit from?
Or is it just something that builds up resistance toward US, the one who said the comment?
After realizing this, I tried to turn this thing 180 and did the opposit.
As a teacher, of course I notice when my student is doing something not correctly. Instead of telling them “you are wrong” I started saying that I understand that it is so hard to get it right. Because honestly it IS hard to get it right!
In other words, I tried to not point the finger to the mistake but to give appreciation to all the rest that is already working fine.
And I loved how that felt.
Give it a try, I can recommend that.
Showing our own humanity goes a really long way.
Where do YOU like to press the “your mistake!” button?
How do you feel saying stuff like this?
With so much love and appreciation ;o)
Anselma
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